Many people have asked me this question, often after being deeply hurt. “If I forgive, does that mean I have to forget?” It’s an honest question — because our hearts remember pain even when our minds want to move on. Yet in the light of the Gospel, forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing.
When we forgive, we make a deliberate choice to release resentment and entrust justice to God. It doesn’t mean we pretend the wrong never happened, or that we erase it from memory. Forgetting is something that happens to the mind; forgiveness is something that happens in the heart. Jesus forgave even as He suffered on the Cross — He did not deny the pain, but transformed it through love.
The Church teaches that forgiveness is an act of the will, inspired by grace. It’s a way of saying, “Lord, I give You this wound, and I refuse to let hatred define me.” Memory may still carry the scar, but that scar becomes a testimony to mercy, not bitterness. Forgetting tries to erase; forgiveness redeems.
In daily life, this means we can remember a hurt and still choose peace. We can keep healthy boundaries while letting go of vengeance. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse evil — it frees us from being chained to it. When we forgive, we let God be the healer and judge, and we begin to live in His freedom.
May our memories be touched by mercy, so that even what once hurt us becomes a place where God’s love has triumphed.
— Fr. John Matthew, for Christian Way
